bedroom blues, blank browns.

i play that day over in my mind.
every night before i rest my head.
like a black and white classic,
our lips met and parted.
i whisper the lies you've said.
but even as i remember the anticipation
before the beginning of the end,
i realize why my heart cannot mend:

your eyes.
brown, and deep.
they were not bright, or loving or even sad.
your eyes were empty and sucked dry.
they sewed my heart
with oxycontin lies.
and they betray you when they tell me
you feel no remorse
for burning my heart
and scattering its ashes.
and for making me cry until my throat is hoarse.
i'm still wiping away the wet, black lashes of my eyes.
oh, you're lying.
i can see it in your eyes.

and you're lying to that fallen star too.
you wind your arm around her shoulder and swear
(for the moment) you're true.
but i do not exist.
not while you try to get her to shine.
yet, as soon as that star falls back up in the sky,
i'm once again seen.
you're once again mine.
so i continue to pretend that the looks of indifference are longing.
and my water is, in fact, wine.
because anything's welcome if it drowns out my sorrow.
making me numb.
if only for a while.
making me numb.
because i'm not hollow.
making me numb.
anything to keep me alive.
because i need to see

your eyes.
brown, and deep.
they were not bright, or loving or even sad.
your eyes were empty and sucked dry.
they sewed my heart with oxycontin lies.
and they betray you when they tell me
you feel no remorse.
for burning my heart and scattering its ashes.
and for making me cry until my throat is hoarse.
i'm still wiping away the wet, black lashes
of my eyes.
oh, you're lying.
i can see it in your eyes.

so your kisses meant nothing,
just as you said.
how can kisses be accidents,
or fresh roses dead?
and even as you laugh,
and wind your arm around my shoulder,
i know a truth that turns me colder.
you see, i know it means shit.
and that you're afraid of it.
because it might turn into something real.
and if that truly happens,
will that make your heart feel?
you're scared of not being indifferent and numb.
now you're starting to realize,
you broke the wrong one.
i can see it in

your eyes,
brown and deep.
they were not bright, or loving or even sad.
your eyes were empty and sucked dry.
they sewed my heart with oxycontin lies.
and they betray you when they tell me you feel no remorse.
for burning my heart and scattering its ashes.
and for making me cry until my throat is hoarse.
i'm still wiping away the wet, black lashes
of my eyes.
oh, you're lying.
i can see it in
you're lying,
i can see it in your eyes.

blow jobs on bathroom floors.

oh, let's not pretend that nothing's wrong,
because it's written all over your faces.
here lies his last little bit of song.
will that fit to your expectations?

oh, no, no. that's not classy.
look who's finally being sassy.
stand a little straighter,
look them in the eyes.
and don't deny a thing about
(who) what went down that night.

and it's lip service in our favorite way.
but let's keep it hush-hush.
darling, is that okay?
bitten nails and high heels worn down rough.
soft hands to soft bodies never is enough.
it truly is "the webs we weave"
and other verses at their best.
but how do i remain so naive
test after test after test?

and it's lip service in our favorite way.
but let's keep it hush-hush.
darling, is that okay?

and what your mean to me now,
i'm not quite sure.
my thread's all tangled
and you've left me half pure.

i need out, i need to breathe,
but somehow you're always there.
i want you, i want to break
but i see your face everywhere.

and i can't help but relive that night
over again in my mind.
like a decayed filmstrip playing scenes
that run shivers up my spine.

and it's lip service in our favorite way.
but let's keep it hush-hush.
darling, is that okay?
lip service in our favorite way.
but let's keep it hush-hush.
darling, is that okay?

warm bodies melting together
on a bathroom floor
losing clothes and dignity
behind an unlocked door.

oh, and how typically cliche of you,
to place the setting so.
secrets have never worked with us.
don't be surprised that they all know

about that lip service in your favorite way
but we'll keep that hush-hush.
darling, is that okay?

and lying in bed next to where you should be
was not my idea of pleasure.
listening to whispers of, "did you tell?"
and, "how did she know about her?"

that empty space at my side
should have told me you'd never return.
i should have stolen one more smile
to help ease the pain of the burn.

hello.

since i just started this page, i'll be posting all of my writing up to this date, and then update from there.
so, if anyone is reading, i apologize for the upsurge of postings through these next months.
with love,
k.moira