the blame game.

i’m not going to hide behind

any pretty little words,

any pretty little rhymes.

not this time.

i’ll set this out there,

finally become clear.

all you are is a complication,

a memory set as bait.

all he is is a side road,

a path to prolong the wait.

and all i am is a lover,

one who views the world as stone.

being made up of glass;

fragile little bones.

and i don’t suppose it matters

all that much anymore.

that i didn’t heed your warnings;

that i sealed my mental door.

because when time whittled down

to the very end.

it was, in fact, myself

who did the breaking of him.

now it’s time, i suppose, my friends,

to sell our souls to the latest trend.

give away identity to the face selling medication

until the very end.

how on earth could i have said

that i broke him,

when, in fact, my heart

was everything he bid?

oh, and hello my dear.

before you answer

let me make one thing clear:

your voice has caused enough catastrophe

in the end?

you both broke me.

please, just keep talking,

i’ll slit your fucking throat

and punish you for the crime

i should have committed.

leave you no time for a final quote.

accidental beauty.

boy, rolling hard and laughing.
reflected vainly in the eyes of daughters.
so fearful of this white pill fantasy passing.
but god, such accidental beauty.

girl, with eyes, mind and mouth so wide.
yeah, i’ve heard she’ll swallow anything.
like “no more purple flower bruises”
he lied!
and yet, such accidental beauty.

sedatives, dissolving rapidly into
the falsified drink, leaving another dreaming.
boy, too drunk, too chauvinistic,
ask not whom but who.
girl, too in love to turn un-mouthed refusal to screaming
god, it was such accidental beauty.

and the life that she held,
well it did make her cry.
and she’d sit there and sit there
and sit there and wish it would die
for how can something so pure
be there to make her sure
that it was only accidental beauty?

and she’d sit there and cry,
sit there and rot,
and he’d hit her and hit her
and he wouldn’t stop.
bruises blooming
into accidental beauty.

she she’d rotandrotanddrink
andcryandrotandrot
and drown.

boy, rolling hard and laughing.
girl with eyes, mind and mouth so wide.
sedatives dissolving rapidly
and then the beauty died.

i'd like a different ending, too.

she was a petite girl

and she lived inside a flower.

waiting for her world to bloom

but it did not bloom

winter that year came too soon.

fall freezes hearts into winter

and snowfall thaws into may

but still that pretty little doll

had not yet flown away.

dreamt of love, longed to be

“give me wings,” she’d say,

“i’ll fly far, far away.”

that you will never catch me

one day you’ll see

life is so much bigger than me.

fall freezes hearts into winter

and snowfall thaws into may

but still that pretty little doll

had not yet flown away.

she was a petite girl

and she had a miniature knife.

a little here, a little there

aiding to end her strife.

crimson petals dying to bloom

winter that year came too soon.

fall freezes hearts into winter

and snowfall thaws into may

but still that pretty little doll

had not yet flown away.

looking for love in all the wrong places

underground or flying high

none familiar faces.

and yes, this story ends with a prince

whose seeds of love were in bloom

he’ll fight for her unsuccessfully since

winter that year came too soon.

fall freezes hearts into winter

and snowfall thaws into may

but still that pretty little doll

had not yet flown away.

she was a petite girl

her life petite as well

glazed eyes cared not for resting places

or the sensual flames of hell

when will her prince appear?

astride bumblebee, he’ll not, i fear.

the inky river her frozen tomb.

winter that year came too soon.

i've had my fill.

enough is enough,
though i know i’m going to miss
that scream inside,
and those blood stained safety pins.
i never had a reason to,
but i did anyways.
to pull me through
the dark tunnel that’s caving in
on me.
on us.
on this.

and it’s true that screaming
drowns out the pain.
i can’t feel that i break my skin.
i’m the only one to blame.

enough is enough,
though i’m sure going to miss
the way you looked at me.
could i have just one more kiss?
we never had a reason to be,
yet we are.
so lock me up, and swallow that fucking key.
for me.
for us.
for this.

and it’s true that screaming
makes it all feel better.
or at least go away for a while.
and if it was raining, i couldn’t be wetter.

enough is enough,
though i swear I’ll miss
everything i thought i knew.
suffocated by velveteen bliss.
i’ve never felt this poison before.
but here it is, killing me from the core.
cause of me.
cause of us.
cause of this.

and it’s true that screaming
breathes, then dies.
just like me.
so stop the lies.

lost: two bestfriends; found: eachother.

i love you, can’t you see?

i’m sorry i’m not the perfect girl you want,

cause i want to be.

so our paths won’t cross like i thought.

i hope you love that whore you’ve bought.

oh, it was a stab, much more than a sting

when you wanted her, not me.

why’d you do it?

i’ve loved you much longer.

lust over fidelity proves stronger.

i was the one you confided in

about your fear of falling in love.

but now i guess she’s the prize you’ll try to win.

but she’s the one you should be afraid of!

oh, it was a stab, much more than a sting

when you wanted her, not me.

why’d you do it?

i’ve loved you much longer.

lust over fidelity proves stronger.

my heart’s just been ripped out,

i'm bleeding now.

no more love to give.

you hurt me!

no, i can’t forget this.

just pull the knife out of my back,

and let me bleed.

it was a stab, much more than a sting

you broke me, let me bleed.

just leave me again.

no, i won’t get over you dear, though,

it was a stab, much more than a sting

when you wanted her, not me.

why’d you do it?

i’ve loved you much longer.

lust over fidelity proves stronger.

keep my heart.

take what’s yours.

left handed scissors.

running with scissors
pointed at my heart
i can’t wait
for this crazy race to start

your cool indifference
brings me to my knees
kill me please
before I’m hurt even worse

scissors
they’ve found their way
to my heart
and wrists
and i think i’d do anything
for just one more kiss
scissors
the only reliable ones
in this world like a knife
ready when you look
to take my life

up and down rickety stairs
scissors faithful still
i’m begging now
i want to be dead
but i know you never will

spilled tile porcelain
chipped and bloodied and broken
you are my one regret
the one my eyes won’t let me forget

scissors
they’ve found their way
to my heart
and wrists
and i think i’d do anything
for just one more kiss
scissors
the only reliable ones
in this world like a knife
ready when you look
to take my life

and i don’t tell anyone
what breaks me inside
or that i cry myself to sleep
cause i like playing dress up
and make believe

so i guess no one will ever know
i’m in this totally alone
me, scissors and how could i forget?
the complete and utter lack of you

scissors
will make me and break me
i wish that you could take me
away
from here
from you
from scissors
even though
they’ve found their way
to my heart
and wrists
and i think i’d do anything
for just one more kiss
scissors
the only reliable ones
in this world like a knife
ready when you look
to take my life

help me
before i forget
how to even crawl
walking’s too hard
it just pulls me farther down

so help me
before the stars go cold
and the clouds turn black
help me
before i get me

scissors
they’ve found their way
to my heart
and wrists
and i think i’d do anything
for just one more kiss
scissors
the only reliable ones
in this world like a knife
ready when you look
to take my life

invisibility.

numb your body, close your eyes
succumb to the heat of drowning in lies
everything’s fine
it’s true and tried
let’s escape the truth tonight

from the car crash melodies
to the movie screams
i know i’m still alone
this is not a dream
and holding hands
is a twist of fate
goodbye kisses
give less than they take

your lips are sewn closed
the truth is, no one knows
the loneliness you’ve felt
or the trouble you’ve seen
and now i know, “forever”
doesn’t mean a thing

from the car crash melodies
to the movie screams
i know i’m still alone
this is not a dream
and holding hands
is a twist of fate
goodbye kisses
give less than they take

put on your mask
then walk out that door
and when will my tell tale heart
beat nevermore?
tuck me in, sing a lullaby
then close that door
so you can’t hear me cry

confused and choking
tension fills the room
secondhand lying kills
so smoke away the fumes
safety pins and ribbons
won’t make a heart mend
so i’m adding a stamp
and letting it send

from the car crash melodies
to the movie screams
i know i’m still alone
this is not a dream
and holding hands
is a twist of fate
goodbye kisses
give less than they take

crying on the bathroom floor
and blue ink staining my hands
are poor substitutes for the real thing
if you cut my strings, i can’t stand
fingers run red clutch at my heart
and hide violet wrists wrapped in the dark

from the car crash melodies
to the movie screams
i know i’m still alone
this is not a dream
and holding hands
is a twist of fate
goodbye kisses
give less than they take

now look at the girl you’ve all helped to make

i'd take you over him anyday.

words are reaching, ringing through my ears

but they are not those of others

they had burst out of my pen

“settling for less” playing over again

yet, is it really settling when the cards are being counted?

holding hands and touching like a tease?

and we all know the old winded tale

of how fate takes no pity

on those who aren’t pretty

and so the young beauty prevails again

and tires screeching symphonies

matched with slasher film cries

mean nothing anymore

all i am is a lie

with a masked face and tears turned smile

my head remains high

playing the part wherever I go

echoing on in the night

yet, is it really settling when the cards are being counted?

holding hands and touching like a tease?

and we all know the old winded tale

of how fate takes no pity

on those who aren’t pretty

and so the young beauty prevails again

now we’ve come back to the beginning of the end again

what happens when four hearts are safety pinned?

two to one, and one to the other

a reenactment of the “Tell-Tale Lover”

so this is the conclusion to which i’ve come

i’ll still settle for less, instead of being numb

yet, is it really settling when the cards are being counted?

holding hands and touching like a tease?

and we all know the old winded tale

of how fate takes no pity

on those who aren’t pretty

and so the young beauty prevails again

she will always prevail in the end

(scatter my) ashes, ashes.

ring around the rosie
pockets full of posies
ashes, ashes

well, we’re holding hands
we’re holding tight
don’t let go if me
no, not tonight
we separate
but only just
steal a moment then
it’s only us

what happened to the good old days?
the days where we were young and not afraid
what happened to the nights we used to share?
when you could stand to love me there
oh, we all fall down
we all fall down

you’ve left me cold
now i’m all alone
it’s so quiet in
this empty home
you’ve burned your name
into my heart
our flame went out
before it could start

we all fall down
we all fall down

and we all can bleed
some more than others
add to my “Dirty Deeds”

what happened to the good old days?
the days where we were young and not afraid
what happened to the nights we used to share?
when you could stand to love me there
oh, we all fall down
we all fall down

1, 2, 3, 4
so stand your ground
don’t fall behind
your innocence
is a state of mind
ashes, ashes
look in my eyes
burn all your lies

what happened to the good old days?
the days where we were young and not afraid
what happened to the nights we used to share?
when you could stand to love me there
oh, we all fall down
we all fall down

sing a song, decaying all the while
my heart’s bleeding blue ink on the tile
i’m falling down
(ring around the rosie)
i can’t stand the noise
(pockets full of posies)
laying still with poise
ring around the rosie
oh, pockets full of posies
oh, ashes to ashes we fall…
ashes to ashes we
all.
fall.
down.

untroubled dreams.

everyday brings me pain.

everyday’s always the same.

i live for each night

so i can fall asleep to untroubled dreams.

untroubled dreams

fed by prescription pleasure.

untroubled dreams

from pill bottle treasures.

untroubled dreams

that won’t come true,

untroubled dreams about you.

every time that i think of you

i always know that there’s hurt to go through.

the pain that keeps me alive.

for at night, you are mine

untroubled dreams

fed by prescription pleasure.

untroubled dreams

from pill bottle treasures.

untroubled dreams

that won’t come true,

untroubled dreams about you.

everyday brings me pain.

everyday’s always the same.

i live for each night,

so i can fall asleep to untroubled dreams.

untroubled dreams

fed by prescription pleasure.

untroubled dreams

from pill bottle treasures.

untroubled dreams

that won’t come true,

untroubled dreams about you.

untroubled dreams… about you.